Tuesday, November 23, 2010

COMPLIMENTS

A compliment, when sincerely given, can be a blessing to both you and the recipient.  Compared to how little effort compliments take, the rewards can be significant.
I was talking about the weather for probably the 3rd or 4th time that day, when my daughter said that I was such an avid follower of the weather that I should have been a farmer.  It's true--the avid weather follower, I mean, but not necessarily that I should be a farmer.  She paused for a moment and then commented that I certainly had the discipline and determination and work ethic to be a farmer.  It was a fairly off-hand observation for (her she was actually in a rather bad mood at the time), but it meant a lot to me.  Discipline and a strong work ethic are important to me.  She could hardly have given me a greater compliment.
I frequently compliment people on whatever strikes me--a nice pair of shoes, a new hair-do, a cool outfit.  I notice those things, being something of a clotheshorse, myself.  And, if I think that someone has made any effort to look nice I want to acknowledge that.  Appearing well is important to a lot of people and telling them that they have achieved some measure of success can be sweet for them.
I recently made a new friend.  This woman obviously pays a lot of attention to her appearance, although her taste is very different from my own.  She used to have what I considered a ghastly hair-do--a bouffant with a "That Girl" upsweep at the top of the shoulders, typical of the late 60's, early 70's.  And, her hair is very and unnaturally blonde.  She also wears quite a lot of make-up, complete with false eyelashes.  She is several years older than I am, probably about 70.  I found her appearance quite off-putting, so I sort of avoided her.  But, then she sat by me at a dinner party.  I determined to make the best of it until she said something I found quite disturbing.  I mentioned it to a mutual acquaintance who "warned" me off the first woman.  I left it at that for about a year until I realized how very negative the second woman could be and decided to give the first woman another try.  She, thankfully, changed her hair style to one much better suited to her rather small frame and more "current fashion", so I sincerely complimented her on it and made a point of joining her at another social function.  I engaged her in conversation, said a few things mildly complimentary and showed interest in getting to know her, listening to her history, etc.  She is an interesting woman who has faced some difficult challenges with some determination and grace.  I admire that.  She is now a friendly acquaintance--I'm not sure that we know each other well enough to really be friends, but we like each other and she recently sent me a lovely letter, expressing affection and encouragement.  I was able to honestly admire something about her and give a sincere compliment which changed the relationship.  In this case "The Careful Use of Compliments" made a big difference, and has provided me with all sorts of warm fuzzies. 
Notice the good, admirable, charming things about your spouse, children, co-workers, acquaintances and tell them so.  Often people don't know that you appreciate something about them and most people like to be appreciated, admired and complimented.  They don't know unless you tell them.  Don't worry about being a kiss-up--assuming that you are complimenting sincerely and not looking for a way to manipulate the recipient.  Don't do that.  Ever.
Give your compliment freely, as a gift, no strings, no agenda.  Just a way to show that you notice, are aware and care enough to say something kind and appreciative.
It could change a life.  Maybe yours.

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